Lady Moira struggled to keep her kingdom under control, but she was able to win the affections of Goatkeeper Norman. She met with him whenever she could, and stole precious moments with him every day. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” she confided in him. “There are pirates looting our ships on the high seas and peasants are threatening to revolt. Apparently they think I’m not good enough because I don’t have a family crest, of all things.”
Norman told her how important traditional family values were to the people of the village. “If it wasn’t for you, I could have lost my father’s love and support forever. I’ll help you any way I can,” he promised.
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Moira asked him to sit next to her when she faced the angry peasants in the throne room. The villagers seemed more at ease with Norman there, and Moira was able to gain a little support by promising to build a tavern to distract pirates and find her family crest.
After holding court for a few hours, Moira sat down to write letters to her distant family members to inquire about the crest. “Excuse me,” said a gentleman in flashy clothes. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I heard you’re looking for a bard who can hunt whales.”
The queen was thrilled to meet Jordy. He was just the right kind of person she needed for the new tavern. “Go talk with the Buildmaster about your accommodations,” she told him. “I’m sorry I don’t have time to get to know you right now, I have a family matter to attend to. I’ll get you set up with a fine boat and a whaling harpoon though–pick it up from Anna in a couple of hours.”
Moira sent her letters and a distant cousin named Jase showed up the next day.
At first, Moira mistook him for one of the rowdy peasants, but he quickly informed her that he was her cousin. “I don’t know who you think you are, Moira,” he said. “You kept me waiting long enough, and no one offered me anything to eat. I sat there for hours!”
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“I’m terribly sorry, Jase. I didn’t know you would be arriving so soon, or I would’ve had a pot of whale stew ready.”
He scowled at her. “I don’t eat whale. Now show me around this dungpit you call New Nineveh, and then I’ll give you our family crest.”
Moira led Cousin Jase to the town square, where he insisted on spitting in the well. “Are you kidding? All the villagers drink from this well and they’d have my head for sure.”
“Whatever, you’re no fun,” he complained. “I’ll give you one more chance to impress me, but you better loosen up or I’ll just leave with the crest.”
“No, don’t leave. How about I show you the docks? We have an incredible ship, and there might be time for a tour around the bay.”
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“Gah, what’s that stench?” Jase gasped when they arrived at the beach. “Let me guess, it’s rotting whale guts! You and your kingdom are disgusting.” Moira began stammering and he cut her off, saying, “Whatever! I’ll go and get some real food at the tavern… but when I get back to the castle, I expect the full royal treatment.”
The queen didn’t even know what he meant by that. After hunting and patrolling the road to a neighboring kingdom, Crafthole, she held court and was faced with multiple complaints about Cousin Jase and his obnoxious behaviour.
When he returned to the castle, he immediately began ranting and complaining. “The least you could do is offer me some decent clothes!” he demanded.
“Whoa, calm down,” Moira told him in a soft voice. Anna quickly fetched an outfit for Jase, and Moira gave it to him, still holding out hope that he would give her the family crest so she could settle the townsfolk.
Jase put on the royal robes.
“Curse the Watcher, this makes me look even fatter!” Jase yelled. “I’ve had enough of you and your lame kingdom.”
Cousin Jase stormed off with the royal robes and Moira had no clue how she would ever get her family crest. Once again, she sought out Norman and told him her troubles. He listened as she poured out all her worries until she was reduced to tears. “My parents were eaten by a whale,” she cried. “How am I supposed to get my family crest now? I’ll be ruined!”
“Don’t worry, my love, we can just make one up,” he suggested. “No one will ever know the difference–I’ll make sure the villagers accept it.”
“Oh Norman, you’re the best!” Moira cooed. “I swear, I will always love you.” Norman created a great family crest with a goat wielding a harpoon, and he did indeed convince the villagers that it was legitimate.
The people of New Nineveh recognized Lady Moira’s royal lineage, but producing a family crest didn’t solve any of the real problems in the kingdom. News soon reached the queen that a wanted criminal was disguised as a member of the royal family, and he was found dead in the woods–an apparent victim of a mugging.
Unfortunately, pirates and bandits didn’t restrict themselves to preying on fellow criminals. Soon the kingdom was overrun by thieves and thugs, and no one was safe… especially at night.
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